Sue Eldridge is one of the Directors of Presence Ministries, Director of Alive and Kicking, and the School of Empowerment for woman. Together with her husband Tim she is co-directors of the annual European Leaders Advance conference, which from 2019 will become European Leaders Alliance. Whilst she would not describe herself as a feminist she is a champion of women in leadership and female empowerment. In this essay, she describes her journey.
I’m not a feminist, but I love being a woman.
I’m not a feminist, but I believe woman are capable of greatness.
I’m not a feminist but I don’t see a ceiling, glass or otherwise, that should prevent a woman from being who she is called to be. To me, character, gifting, integrity and ability are the factors that should determine who and what someone becomes or achieves, not their gender.
I love women. I love all their different facets and strengths. I love that women love so well, and that we are beginning to realise that vulnerability is not weakness but the kind of courage that will enable us, not just to survive, but to thrive and conquer.
Growing up as the youngest daughter of a Squadron Leader in the Air Force I was encouraged to be adventurous, determined and strong. I was what was affectionately known as a ‘Tom Boy’, up to the age of 11 … when I discovered the joy of ‘boys’ and Kiss Chase!! I know . . . Shoot me now! Rock climbing, hiking, fishing, swimming, snorkelling and diving were all part of my life growing up, but so were baby dolls and teddies. I would spend the day in the woods, making dens, climbing trees, stealing sweets (I’m sorry) and then come home to bath my dolls, wrap them in a blanket and feed them with a plastic bottle that never ran out of milk. I wore jeans, scruffy T- shirts, and shorts most days, but also loved dressing up in pretty things when the occasion arose. Life was good, and I believed I could be anything or anyone I wanted to be.
At the age of 13 we joined a church that had an interesting view of women. A view that said that woman could be a part of the Church Family, but not a ‘significant’ part. Woman could participate to an extent, but only if they honoured the angels by wearing a head covering. You could serve, and in some circumstances, lead small groups, but you could never hold any area of government. As a teenager, ‘the rules’ also looked like this: you had to be thin, feminine, quiet, have long straight hair and obviously an amazing singing voice. Ooops, I had no chance… I was NOT thin, not feminine, I was loud, I had wild curly hair and my voice was three octaves louder than anyone else, but not sweeter! I was doomed!
These ‘rules’ stayed with me for many years. I married a man from the church at the tender age of 21, after completing my Nursing training. Then, I took up the role I was born for, ‘keeping house’, and being a ‘Mummy’. To be fair, I loved this role. However, I made a rod for my own back with regards to my hubby, because a warped sense of pride meant that I had to keep house as well as his mum had, and my mum had, and everyone else we met, ever had kept house. I had to be the best cook, homemaker, money-spinner, breast feeder, craft maker, and leader’s wife! I had to be better than anyone at anything to do with motherhood or housekeeping. It was exhausting. It was not empowering. It was competitive.
Fortunately, I grew up!
Well actually…I found myself at 38, having left Nursing, I was now a high-powered Sales Executive for a top Health-care company, working full time, being a mum and co-leading a church in Harrogate. I ran the children’s work, I led worship, I preached and I held dinner parties. I was super-mum. Until I wasn’t. Until the day I woke up and couldn’t move. Until the day that I sat sobbing in the doctors’ surgery while he told me I had had a breakdown and was clinically depressed.
I gave up my job…. I stayed alive. I ignored the jibes from colleagues, to ‘Pull myself together.’ I ignored the notes from Christians which said that I must have done something wrong for this to happen to me. I even managed to ignore the fear inside me that said I was never going to get better. And “better” I got, slowly, painfully I came back to being me.
Then God took me on the most amazing, sometimes painful, but beautifully liberating journey. A journey into who I am. I was in my 40s before I dared to believe I was worthy of anything. To believe that I was enough, just as I was. To believe that I didn’t have to do anything to ‘prove’ my worthiness to anyone, let alone God. He then took me on the journey of who HE was. Not the judging tyrant I had tried hard not to believe all my life, but had always held onto. I found he was a loving, Grace-filled Father, who desired an intimate relationship with me, his daughter. I started to dare to believe what this loving God said about me, and everything changed.
You see I had believed I was fundamentally unworthy, that I was not good enough. So I had to spend my whole life proving that I was something I’m not. Brene Brown writes in her book I Thought it was Just Me, ‘You either walk inside your story and own it, or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.’ That’s what I was doing, in all my ‘busyness’ I was trying to earn my worthiness. My ‘worthiness’ for being a woman, for being a wife, a mother, even a Christian. So I have started to own my story. I now celebrate who I am, warts and all. I own my mistakes and I have grown because of them. This makes me the best me I can be. Not hiding. Not shame ridden, but 100% free.
This is what will make woman smash through the man-made ceilings. This is what will make top businesses fall over themselves to have woman on their boards. This is what will make Government sit up and take notice. This is what will make nations listen. Woman and men who are secure in their identity, who acknowledge their strengths and their weaknesses. Women who can celebrate the success of others, due to the confidence of their own self-worth. Woman whose worthiness is not reliant on being recognised by others.
Each of us has our very own part to play in this wonderful journey of life. Our part is to be the BEST us. Dr Caroline Leaf says in her book The Perfect You,‘God DOES understand you. He has placed significance in you-your “perfect you” – Your unique way of thinking. The blueprint of your identity is a brilliant design that unlocks something only you alone can do. As neuroscience shows us, every thought you think matters because it changes your brain. You create your unique reality and shape your brain with your thoughts.’
As women start to change the way we think about ourselves and the way we think about other women we will begin to believe that no one can be US better than WE can.